Darkness

For the first time I will talk about something very personal that not a lot of people know about not even my family. I believe that my entire life I have suffered from anxiety. At different points in my life it has been really bad. For example when I was starting preschool I had such separation anxiety that right before getting to school I would puke almost everyday. It got to the point that my parents would bribe me with different things in hopes that it would stop. with time the puking subsided. Things were better for awhile then when I was 22 I felt so stressed and so much anxiety that I would constantly have chest pain and ended up having shingles. Lately as of the last six months my anxiety sky rocketed being the worst it has ever been. It was so bad I finally got the guts to talk to my doctor and was put on medication for it. Like all things some days are good and others are terrible. The recent events of my life haven't made it any easier either. I kept this a secret because honestly I was embarassed and unless you suffer from this you won't be able to understand. The feeling you get is so unexplanable. The best way to put it is almost like you feel you're insides are about to explode like you have absolutely no control over what's going on inside of you not just physically but emotionally too. It's a feeling that radiates your body.

The past six months have been quite dark for me. I almost feel like a big part of me gave up.theres only one person that knew about my anxiety and how I started taking medication, a few weeks after I found out that they had decided that it would be ok to talk to complete strangers about my issue. To this day I don't understand why anyone do that. I was so hurt I felt like if I really wanted the world to know I would've posted it on Facebook. I have felt like I was sucker punched for no reason. I know that a lot of the choices I have made many people have been against but I will not apologize for that I do what I feel is the right thing for me.

I have experienced a lot of sadness, anger, hurt, betrayal, and confusion lately. Choices that would
turn my life upside down were being made and I had no say in it I wasn't even being taken into consideration. I felt like I was this object that was expected to not feel or say anything. A lot of times I felt less then human I felt worthless and nobody should ever be made to feel that way. I have these 3 wonderful women (Dorie,Dawn,Liz) that I am honored to call friends that were my shoulder to cry on my hope when I thought there was none. whether they know it or not they have guided me out of this
darkness. They have helped me see the light.

I am still on medication not as much as before I am trying to slowly ween myself off of it. My goal is to be completely off before the year ends. The good days keep getting better and the bad ones are thankfully less frequent. I guess my goal was to let people know that anxiety is very much real and it sucks and if you don't get it or understand it that's ok but just know that for people like me it is so personal and can be quite shameful and while we look ok on the outside a lot of times we feel like we are dying on the inside. I am so grateful for the wonderful people The Lord placed in my path thanks to them I have been able to overcome more then I could've imagined.

 I dream of a better tomorrow...where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned. 

Life

"I may not have gone where i intended to go, but i think i have ended up where i need to be"..Douglas Adams

life is sometimes happy, easy, wonderful, beautiful, difficult,stressful, painful but at the end of the day it happens to all of us.

so much has happened since my last post. I have experienced many emotion sadness, anger, frustrations and mostly pain. For the past month i have done and said a lot of things i am not proud of and would like to just forget them all. But those memories of myself haunt me on a daily basis. i became this ugly person that i didnt and dont like.

Sometimes people come into our lives that do damage. Im tired of being angry and disliking these people. Im tired of putting on a smile because i have to. its time to put the past behind and not relive it on a daily basis. Its time to learn to forgive not only the people that i feel have done harm and caused so much pain but also myself. 

So to you Karla M. i FORGIVE YOU for how bad you've hurt me. We have never met and thats probably best but i am sure you are a wonderful person. I wish you all the best in this world. i hope you are able to achieve all your goals and i hope you can become the person you hope to be. And to you Stephen M. THANK YOU for being an inspiration to not only your family and friends but also to someone that never had the privileged and honor to meet you. For being an inspiration and glimmer of hope to me. For being wise beyond your years and for having so much faith in the lord. faith that even I myself seemed to have lost.

Its amazing how someones legacy can change your life and put things into perspective. People are not perfect and they make mistakes all the time but it is up to us to forgive.  i cant believe it took a person that is no longer physically here to knock some sense into me. Despite all the  obstacles Ive had to overcome and continue to overcome LIFE  is pretty AAHHMAZING and i am so grateful to know the people i know and to have them in my life.

“And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die” (John 11:25–26).

346

It has now been 346 days that i have neglected this blog. So sad in almost the last year i have only written 4 posts. Oh this blog world is tough to keep up with or maybe I'm just lazy and making up excuses. I'm gonna go with the second one. I think in some weird way it scares to think  who might read what i write and how much i am willing to write.

So the last 346 days have been quite interesting to say the least. Nelson and i moved to another apartment which we absolutely love and now have 2 sons.. We have totally lucked out with DA BOYS they are so sweet and house trained. Cant go wrong with house trained. Another addition to my family is Angel John which i have yet to meet.. shame on me..

Lake Mary has become my home. People always say home is where the heart is and my heart is definitely with DA BOYS and Nelson which scares me sometimes but it was a risk i was willing to take. Don't get me wrong it has not been an easy journey its been quite difficult to be honest. So very difficult my entire life has changed in two years and now i am in a place i never thought i would be. People do dumb things for love right. It always felt right to me to move away with Nelson despite it being taboo for just about everyone i knew. I dont regret it everything is a learning experience and a life lesson. It is not simple nor easy but i am confident everything will work itself out.

June Babies

 June is full of Birthdays. So this post is a tribute to all my JUNE BABIES. We will begin with my first baby Pami's.  She just turned 10... WOW now thats a huge accomplishment for a kiddo if you ask me. They are what is now considered a tween. Pamela is so funny and spunky and i just love her to bits and pieces. She's my negrita and has grown so much. I can still remember the day she was born. She was past her due date and well it was a bit scary for awhile. She had an infection in her blood and was sent to NICU right away and was in the hospital for about two weeks. I always knew she'd make it out fine. I am so grateful everything turned out great with her i couldnt imagine my life without her. I love you my Pami's..

 

Next up is my silly monkey Arianni poo... She turned 6 and is going to 1st grade. ugh i remember when she started pre k. i would pick her up every friday and i would always end up buying her a happy meal. she would later brag to her older sisters and they were not pleased. she was born the same week the Batman movie came out. Arianna is by far the silliest of the girls. I took her and Pami's to a movie and ice cream this weekend. it was  very entertaining she has quite the personality. 

 

My last june baby is Kim. she turned 23.. Kim and i have always been close we grew up more like sisters instead of cousins. She is def one of my best friends and i am so lucky to have her in my life. When we were young we would put all our barbies together and build homes for them Kristin her younger sis would always get jealous. i am so happy that we now live closer and that i can always go to her if something is wrong. 

 

So to all my June Babies I love you guys more than anything and words cannot begin to describe how grateful and blessed i am and how complete you make my life.

We made it...

So we have made it to our 1 year anniversary.. Crazy it seems like it has been longer. We've been through a lot of ups and downs and it definitely has not been easy. Our relationship has been put through a lot of obstacles and i am happy to say that we have been able to overcome them some not so easily. Nelson definitely puts a smile on my face and accepts me for who i am. He accepts me at my silliest, craziest,saddest,maddest, happiest and i am so grateful for that. I dont think i will be able to find someone that will make dumb sounds with me or watch reality shows with me.

So Nelson and i always speak about our childhoods and how different they were. He always tells me how they never had a lot of things and he grew up humble as i did too but i was fortunate enough to enjoy things more. He would often tell me about having hand me downs and he was fine with it. So for our anniversary i decided to surprise him and get him something that he really wanted.

 

 He was very happy and excited to see his present. he got a PS3. The next day we packed our things and headed over to Daytona beach. Nelson bought some sky lanterns for us to release on the beach . It was pretty much awesome and a lot more difficult then people think. it was fun and i cant complain we had a pretty good weekend together. Im very excited for us and cant wait to see what the future holds for us.

 

P.S For this day to be complete the heat must win.... crossing fingers

FHE!!!

So yesterday i think i surprised Nelson by telling him that i wanted us to start having FHE at our place every week. To be honest i surprised myself. Lately things have been difficult and we are not as committed to the gospel as we should be. So i figured we had to start somewhere. I prepared the lesson at work in between patients( shame on me)   So i went to www.lds.org which of course never fails and decided to do Lesson One: Building our Families through Home Evenings. Now this lesson is designed for a big family but i was able to make it apply to us.

Now here's my dilemma i didn't grow doing FHE's i wasn't even raised Mormon and until a few years ago i was still very clueless about it all. Now Nelson in the other hand was fortunate enough to grow up in the church so he was def use to all of it. And his knowledge is unbelievable he will school anybody out there. So sometimes its intimidating for me because i know my knowledge isn't as great as his but i try to just do the best i can.

So i got home from work cooked dinner and showered and also baked some cookies as a FHE snack and was able to give my lesson. We both have goals that we want to achieve as a couple and although we didnt do things traditionally and took the longer path to get there they are still very present in our minds. And honestly its what my heart desires the most. So i am happy to say that FHE was a success and very heartfelt because it was focused on family and i have realized that Nelson is the start to my new family and i must admit that it is very exciting.

Cant wait to see wait what the future holds for us. Im so grateful for this wonderful program the church has created for us to keep the Lord present in our lives during our busy week and i know only good can come from this.

Appreciating the Important Things
Begin a family home evening time by reading the following letter from a prisoner of war to his family:
“Dearest Marjorie, Cameron, Heather, Warren, Holly, Heidi. Above all I seek for eternal life with all of you. These are important: temple marriage, mission, college. Press on. Set goals, write history, take pictures twice a year.” (George Durrant, “A Gift from Heaven,” Ensign, Mar. 1971, p. 5.)

This was actually my favorite part of the lesson.

The words are so simple and beautiful and inspired at such a difficult time

AAHHHHH!!!

AAAHHHH so here it goes.. This is my first time blogging and for those of you that might know me will understand why I'm freaking out. This is totally out of my comfort zone. I tend to want to keep a lot of things private and only share certain things with close friends and family so here's to a new me I guess.

This just might be one of the most random and ridiculous blogs you will read. It will definitely not have a theme or even make any sense to anyone but me. So if you have nothing better to do stay tuned I'm sure you will laugh at least once or twice.

My name is Diana Garcia and I'm 24 yrs old. I currently live in Sanford, Fl and work at Family Medical Center. Moved up from Miami in January and can honestly say i love the peace and quiet. the craziness and chaos of Miami is so overrated... don't believe me? just try it out for yourself but don't say i didn't warn you. I live with my boyfriend of a year and its been crazy adjusting to the change. Speaking of boyfriends he is absolutely amazing some would even say he's my soul mate. Who would've known huh? he's definitely a breath of fresh air and although it has only been 1 yr it feels more like 10... it has been a roller coaster but i wouldn't change it for anything it has only made us stronger. i just realized the first part of this paragraph sounds like something for an online dating site.. SCARY not a fan of those

I feel like dating sites are sleazy and its like asking for something bad to happen. Its so sad how people can't be social enough to go up to a person and talk to them. Instead they do it behind a screen.
No offense to anyone but i'm just saying.Maybe its because i'm paranoid that i feel that way..

P.S This might be my first and last post because tonight is the first game of the NBA finals and the Heat will be playing and i might just go into cardiac arrest.

BTW he's the one that gives me premature ventricular contraction..